


Sorry Tsukki

by The_Busy_Beee



Series: I Can't Breathe Past My Love For You [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Nishinoya is a Wonderful Senpai, Second years, Sickfic, descriptions of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 05:49:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16444061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Busy_Beee/pseuds/The_Busy_Beee
Summary: Hanahaki Disease is a life threatening condition, and without proper treatment or mutual feelings, death is a very real possibility.Yamaguchi Tadashi learned that first hand.





	Sorry Tsukki

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! ^w^/
> 
> This is my second finished HQ story, but first posted, and holy cow, this took forever to get down. 
> 
> This is set during second year, so they're about 17.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys! I've edited to the best of my ability, but I've been distracted the past few days, so if I missed anything or forgot to tag something, please let me know!

When the flowers first began, Yamaguchi knew his death was inevitable. There were few known cures for Hanahaki Disease, and none sounded like a good idea to Yamaguchi's distraught mind.

 

If he took a chance and told the person he loved how much he loved them, it was a literal matter of life and death. Should he be rejected, the thorns of the flowers growing in his body would pierce his heart; after all, Hanahaki Disease fed off of the hopelessness and angst one felt when dealing with unrequited love. 

 

If he, by some miracle, were to be accepted, the flowers would bloom completely, causing a rush of sickness. He had only ever personally known one person brave enough to go through the pain of confessing and being accepted, but even though it all turned out alright in the end, Nishinoya had still had to be hospitalized for almost a week because of the flowers blooming and forcing their way out of his body. 

 

The thought of all those petals in his lungs, the vines possibly covered in thorns he had to endure choking out, had Yamaguchi nearly in tears.

 

His only other option for survival would be to have them surgically removed. However, in removing the plant, the ability for someone to fall in love again would be ripped out with it. Doctors weren't sure why removing them by force caused such problems, nor where the disease even came from. Hanahaki Disease wasn't a new disease by any means; there were references in history books that dated the damnable disease nearly 600 years old. However, despite all the advances in medical science, no one can find anything new.

 

Yamaguchi frowned at the small smattering of red and white petals in the sink. Though there were less than ten petals now, Yamaguchi knew that in no time at all, the bathroom sink would probably be filled with them. He turned the faucet on and pushed the petals into the swirling water, watching them spin and float for a moment before being sucked into the drain.

 

His thoughts ran a mile a minute; he was too young to die. He didn't  _ want _ to die yet. What would he tell his parents? His friends? God, what would he tell  _ Tsukki _ ..?

 

Yamaguchi leaned forward to place his forehead on the cool porcelain of his bathroom sink. He knew he was taking too long in the bathroom. Breakfast was waiting on the table, Tsukki would be waiting at the corner for him soon. Everyone would know something was off if he didn't hurry up.

 

But he took just one more moment for himself; to swallow past the tightness in his throat, to push his hands against his eyelids and beg them to stay dry, to run a trembling hand through his messy hair.

 

He could do this. The effects were only just beginning. He could keep it hidden for as long as possible, and then maybe he could gather the strength to end things on his own terms, before the petals filled all the space in his lungs.

 

Steeling his resolve, Yamaguchi turned the faucet off and opened the door. 

 

\---

 

“Sorry, Tsukki! I had a late start!” Yamaguchi grinned sheepishly at the taller boy. Tsukishima simply rolled his eyes and moved his headphones to a resting position around his neck. 

 

The walk to school was mostly silent, broken only by the occasional question; “Did you finish the homework last night?” “Did you watch the new episode of that drama with your mom last night? Don't lie, I know you love that show.”

 

Second year saw them in the same class, along with Hinata (“Because God hates me.” -Tsukishima) and Yachi, with Kageyama just two doors down. 

 

“Yamaguchi! Tsukishima!” 

 

The freckled teen grinned and waved at the small blond girl in the window. A shock of orange hair popped in next to her.

 

“Good morning, Yamaguchi!” The smaller male grinned and waved excitedly. Yamaguchi couldn't fight the laugh that bubbled out. Tsukishima tsked and made a face.

 

“it's barely eight and he's already being an idiot. Today is going to suck.” Yamaguchi grinned and bumped their shoulders together.

 

“Nah, it won't be that bad; you've got me after all.” Yamaguchi joked. Tsukishima hummed as he opened his shoe locker.

 

“At least there's one thing going alright today.” Yamaguchi paused, shock coloring his face, but quickly moved to change shoes when Tsukishima closed his own locker. 

 

“Wait for me, Tsukki!”

 

\---

 

Practice was grueling, as usual, but Yamaguchi welcomed the normalcy. As much as he didn't want to think about the flowers probably growing in his lungs right that moment, it was a fact that he was now living on borrowed time. 

 

In between classes, he had researched as much as he could on his phone about Hanahaki Disease; symptoms to expect, all his options, how much time he had left.

 

He had already known just about everything the medical sites could tell him, considering every case was a little bit different, but he still feels better having the facts.

 

As far as how long he had, or how fast to expect the progression, everyone was different. Some people progressed rapidly, needing emergency surgery and tubes to breathe by the end of the week, while some people had gone up to three years with the annoying ailment before succumbing to the flowers. 

 

Along with coughing out wads of colorful flower petals, it was possible to also run a fever, have minor heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and any number of other “minor inconveniences”.

 

Yamaguchi watches Nishinoya as he wipes the sweat from his face and high-fives Ryuu. 

 

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask someone who's experienced it?

 

When the coach calls their next five minute break, Yamaguchi sits on the bench next to the cheerful Libero and smiles.

 

“Nishinoya-Senpai,” he starts quietly, “you had Hanahaki Disease last year, right?” The older male pauses for a moment before chugging a mouthful of water and nodding.

 

“Yeah. It's pretty common knowledge, considering I ended up puking flowers all over Asahi in the club room.” He grins at the memory.

 

“Ah, yeah. I remember that.” Yamaguchi smiles as well, “Would it be weird of me to ask a few questions? I need to write a report on Hanahaki Disease, but I thought it might be good to get personal insight instead of just reading medical books, you know..?”

 

Yamaguchi nibbled on his bottom lip. Sure, it was a little white lie, but it's not like Yamaguchi could just  _ tell _ him why he had questions.

 

Nishinoya smiled brightly and leaned back against the wall.

 

“Sure! I know some people think it's taboo to talk about it, but I don't mind. It didn't have time to turn into a big deal, so.” Nishinoya shrugged.

 

“How long had you been showing symptoms before you told Asahi-Senpai that you loved him?” Yamaguchi leaned back as well, fiddling with the metal ring on his sports bottle. His eyes found Tsukishima as he stretched on the other side of the court.

 

“About 24 hours.” 

 

Yamaguchi’s eyes snapped back to the older teen.

 

“Wait, what?” Nishinoya laughed.

 

“I woke up on Sunday and was spitting out petals. I knew it was for Asahi. I'd been in love since first year.” The Libero’s smile took on a softer edge, “I didn't want to die when I knew I didn't have to. I mean, yeah, it would have killed me if he said no, but I was pretty confident that he wasn't going to say no.” He paused for a second, reliving his memories.

 

“When I first saw the petals, I thought about anything and everything; all my options. I didn't want the surgery; Asahi meant too much to me. I didn't want to not say anything and just get sicker. I'm terrible at secrets anyways, someone would have known from the beginning. The only other option was to tell him and let what happened happen.” Nishinoya shrugged, like it was the simplest thing. 

 

A whistle blowing drew their attention back to the court.

 

“I hope that helped some?” Nishinoya asked as they stood and jogged back to the court. Yamaguchi gave him a smile.

 

“Yeah! Thanks, Nishinoya-Senpai!”

 

\---

 

A week went by, and then two. Two weeks turned into a month, and things stayed the same. 

 

Wake up, spit out flower petals, go to morning practice, go to classes, have evening practice, spit out more petals, have dinner, study for a few hours, and then sleep.

 

It was a decent cycle, and Yamaguchi appreciated that it didn't really deviate much. It made hiding the evidence so much easier. Occasionally throughout the day, Yamaguchi would have to hide a few flower petals in his pocket after coughing too hard and eeking one out, and the amount in the mornings had begun to increase, but Yamaguchi considered himself lucky.

 

Until Hinata insisted on hosting a “study party” in mid June to prepare for the upcoming end of term exams. Yamaguchi rolled his eyes fondly; he knew without a doubt there would be very little studying going on if Hinata was inviting Kageyama over.

 

But he agreed anyways, and managed to convince Tsukishima to come along as well. 

 

The study group, if it could be called that, was just the four of them and Yachi, and Yamaguchi appreciated that Hinata kept it small. Maybe they could get a little studying done?

 

“Oi, Baka-yama, your leg is in my space.”

 

“Get your pencils out of my writing area and maybe I'll move.”

 

“Those aren't even my- Now you're just being an asshole- move over!”

 

Yamaguchi sighed. Of course not.

 

Hinata slammed the workbook shut, oblivious to the argument and elbow-jabbing across the table and grinned.

 

“Let's take a snack break!” 

 

Yachi blinked at the excited teen.

 

“But, we've only been studying for fifteen minutes..? You haven't even solved the first-” Hinata cut her off with a wave of his hand.

 

“I'm gonna get some snacks from the kitchen! Kageyama come help me!” The Raven haired teen glared at Tsukishima for another moment before giving up his place on the floor and following after  Hinata. 

 

Tsukishima immediately scooted into the empty space Kageyama had left behind and folded his arms over his chest, ignoring Yamaguchi's snort.

 

Yamaguchi closed his workbook as well and pushed it aside.

 

“We may as well set up a movie. I figured it would come to this.” He stretched his legs out, until his toes were next to Tsukishima's hip, and leaned back on his hands. Yachi hummed as she rifled around in her bag.

 

“I did too. So, I brought a few different movies, and some microwave popcorn!” She placed the movies and popcorn on the table with a bright smile. Yamaguchi gave a little “whoop!”

 

“Way to go, Manager! Always thinking ahead!” She laughed and made her way to the television set to set up a movie.

 

Before long, everyone had resettled on the couch and living room floor with cookies, chips, popcorn and sodas while watching some kind of action movie.

 

It was just after eight in the evening, but Hinata had told everyone his mom and younger sister were visiting family, so no one was worried about how loudly they were enjoying the movie. 

 

“Did you see that, Kageyama?! He flipped that car!!” 

 

“Of course I saw it, Dummy! Stop shaking me!”

 

The dynamic duo were sitting in the floor surrounded by pillows while Yachi curled up in the recliner with a blue, fuzzy blanket. 

 

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had the couch to themselves, and they had taken advantage of that by sprawling completely. 

Yamaguchi's feet rested beside Tsukishima's on the middle cushion, with Yamaguchi laying on his left side and Tsukishima on the right. 

 

It was a good movie, full of dramatic plot twist and shocking reveals, but for some reason, Yamaguchi couldn't keep his eyes open. Maybe it was the disease ravaging his body, or maybe it was just the increased practices and studying, but he had been sleepier than usual the past week. 

 

He could feel his eyelids sticking shut, and his head felt heavy, but he valiantly tried to focus on the movie. No matter how hard he tried, sleep wouldn't leave him.

 

Suddenly, a soft warmth was wrapped around him. He managed to crack open his tired eyes and found his best friend straightening a blanket over him.

 

“Tsukki?” He mumbled. The taller boy paused and looked down at Yamaguchi. 

 

“You've been tired recently.” Yamaguchi hummed in response, barely keeping his eyes open, “Go ahead and sleep. I'll wake you up later.”

 

Yamaguchi smiled, already fading out.

 

“Thanks, Tsukki. You're the best.” The couch dipped beside him, but he was already asleep. He didn't notice the eyes watching him sleep, or the hand that rested on his sock covered ankle for the rest of the evening.

 

But he did notice the increase in petals.

 

\---

 

“Alright, everyone circle up!” Coach Ukai blew his whistle and everyone came running to the benches. The club advisor, Takeda-Sensei smiled and stood up.

 

“As you all know, summer break will be starting in two weeks!” He paused as some of the members gave a “whoop!”

 

“That means there will be no practice next week during finals!” The collective groan made him laugh, “But, as soon as summer break begins, we have been invited back to the Nekoma training camp! Everyone needs to make sure their grades are in order. If you fail, you will have to take makeup exams and will not be allowed to attend the training camp.” Everyone immediately turned to the two troublemakers from last year.

 

Hinata had enough grace to duck his head, cheeks burning pink, but Kageyama simply folded his arms over his chest and turned his head away. 

 

Yamaguchi managed a smile as he wiped the sweat off his face.

 

Lately, he had developed a pain in his chest. The Hanahaki Disease was starting to affect his breathing and sleeping. He'd been waking up in the middle of the night to cough out flower petals. His mom had gotten suspicious when he was suddenly making trips to the bathroom all night long, so Yamaguchi had taken to keeping a small waste basket by the bed just in case.

 

Yamaguchi's throat was almost constantly raw recently, and it was hard to eat with a sore throat, but he managed to eat fruit and soft foods. He had taken to drinking Pouch Vitamins to make sure he had enough energy for practice when his throat hurt too bad to eat.

 

It was always the same type of flower petals; white Peruvian Lilies and red Tulips. Sometimes, usually on nights he was feeling particularly sad about his situation, there were a few yellow Tulips as well. Yamaguchi had gotten curious and bought a small book on flowers In early June, about a month after he began coughing them up.

 

_ “The flirtatious blooms of Peruvian lilies dawn a variety of shades, making them a fun choice for many occasions. With the primary meanings of Peruvian lilies being friendship and devotion, these precious flowers are sure express your most playful sentiments!”  _ Yamaguchi had scoffed. They certainly didn't feel very “playful” when he was gagging over a trash can at 3:30 in the morning. 

 

_ “The meaning of tulips is generally perfect love. Like many flowers, different colors of tulips also often carry their own significance. Red tulips are most strongly associated with true love, while purple symbolizes royalty. The meaning of yellow tulips has evolved somewhat, from once representing only hopeless love to now…”  _ Yamaguchi paused and swallowed thickly. “ _ Perfect love _ ”.  _ “Hopeless love.” _

 

Yamaguchi had slammed the book shut and dropped it in his desk drawer, and left it there. He hadn't looked at the book since then.  If this was a “perfect love”, he wouldn't be dying right now.

 

A hand on his shoulder startled him out of his thoughts. Tsukishima was frowning down at him. 

 

“Did you even hear me?” Yamaguchi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

 

“Ah, sorry Tsukki. I wasn't paying attention. What did you say?” The taller male sighed and started after the group of boys leaving the gym. Yamaguchi hurried to walk beside him.

 

“I was asking if you'd like to stay over tonight. Akiteru is home for the weekend. And,” he paused for a moment, “Mom misses having you over.”

 

Yamaguchi's chest felt warm at the admission. His own parents were wonderful, don't get him wrong, but they both worked long hours to make ends meet, often leaving Yamaguchi alone most evenings.

 

His mother had rearranged her schedule to be able to eat breakfast with him and see him off to school, but his father was a pilot and sometimes went weeks at a time before coming home. 

 

Tsukishima's parents, and Akiteru as well, had opened their home and hearts to Yamaguchi when he was eight, and he had been family since then. Since the flower petals had increased in frequency and quantity, Yamaguchi had been subtly (not so subtly) tried to avoid spending long periods of time with others, and that meant going straight home after practice, not partaking in group study sessions, and definitely not going over to the Tsukishima household.

 

Yamaguchi gnawed at his bottom lip as they walked up the stairs to the changing room. He really did miss Auntie's cooking; instant dinners and leftovers only went so far. But with how often he was throwing up flower petals lately, it was a dangerous gamble. His stomach growled and he caved in.

 

“Sure. I'll come over for dinner. I haven't seen Akiteru in forever!” Yamaguchi grinned up at Tsukishima. The taller teen allowed the tension I'm his shoulders to drop and smiled back.

 

“You just saw him in March.”

 

“I know! But that's a whole four months ago!”

 

\---

 

“Tadashi!” Mrs. Tsukishima enveloped the smaller boy in a tight hug. Yamaguchi couldn't help the smile that bloomed on his face as he hugged her back.

 

“It's been over a month since we've seen you! Where have you been holed up? Have you been eating properly? You feel thinner. Have you lost weight?” Mrs. Tsukishima went on and on as she dragged Yamaguchi to the dining room, giving him zero time to respond. 

 

Tsukishima followed at a slower pace, watching Yamaguchi try and keep up with his mother's flurry of questions. Seeing how seamlessly Yamaguchi fit into his family made him smile.

 

\---

 

The clap of thunder woke Yamaguchi before he felt the familiar fluttering. Eyes suddenly wide open, he quickly untangled himself from the futon on Tsukishima's floor as quietly as possible before rushing to the bathroom downstairs. He didn't want to risk anyone hearing him and coming to check on him.

 

Not worrying about closing the door, or even switching on a light, Yamaguchi dropped to his knees and let the petals fall from his open lips. The tickle of the lilies caused Yamaguchi to begin gagging, and from there, the flood gates opened.

 

Yamaguchi had managed to eat two full bowls of lasagna, and a slice of cake for dessert, but he could see now that was a mistake. Everything he had eaten just hours before ended up in the toilet bowl, littered with wads of flower petals.

 

Yamaguchi began to fear that this was the end. The bile and petals were clogging his throat, keeping him from getting a full breath of air. He kept gasping and gagging, choking on his own spit. 

 

_ What a way to go, _ he thought _ , gagging on lasagna and tulips in my best friend's bathroom. _

 

After another rough of harsh coughing, Yamaguchi managed to get the petals that were stuck in his throat to come loose, and he sucked in as much air as he could. 

 

With the wave finally over, for now at least, Yamaguchi leaned his head on the toilet seat and panted softly. His chest and throat were on fire. There was acid in his nose, and he could feel tears building. This was definitely not what he had expected when he agreed to stay the night.

 

The plan had been to make an excuse after dinner, to go home before it got too late and sleep in the safety of his own bed, trash can a meer two feet away.

 

But he had been distracted by playing card games with Akiteru, and listening to Auntie's updates on the past month, and hearing Uncle tell silly stories about the people he worked with. He had been distracted by watching Tsukishima watch him.

 

Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima must have some idea that something was off. The taller male had been sticking closer than usual that evening, even going so far as to give up his cushion on the couch to allow Yamaguchi more space. 

 

So the freckled teen tried even harder to keep up appearances. And apparently it worked, because suddenly it was 10:30 and pouring rain.

 

When he had mentioned needing to get home, everyone had looked at him as though he had said the sky was green.

 

“Aren't you going to stay over tonight? It's already almost 11, and Kei already laid out your futon.” Akiteru asked, confusion written all over his face.

 

“Ah, I just- I mean I assumed- since exams are this week?” Yamaguchi was floundering, trying to think of a believable reason he would need to leave the house, the house he normally slept at at least twice a week, at 11pm on a stormy night. 

 

Mrs. Tsukishima, Karin, had waved him off with a smile.

 

“You and Kei have always been so bright. I have no doubt in my mind that the two of you will pass with flying colors! One night won't hurt, right?”

 

And with that, Yamaguchi's plans plummeted.

 

Though he was curled over a toilet bowl in his best friend-turned unrequited love's house currently trying to keep his breathing steady, he couldn't regret staying over.

 

Yamaguchi had missed their company terribly. Being home alone might be fun for some, but for Yamaguchi, it was too quiet. He often got lonely in the late hours while waiting for his mom to come home. 

 

With his eyes shut and head down, Yamaguchi didn't notice the light above him turn on, but he heard the gasp.

 

“Oh, Tadashi…” Yamaguchi quickly spun around, his face paling even further when he saw Mrs. Tsukishima standing in the doorway.

 

“Auntie, I… I…” 

 

There was a lump in Yamaguchi's throat, and he knew it wasn't from the flowers this time. Yamaguchi turned his face away as he gnawed on his bottom lip and tried to blink away the tears.

 

He could hear movement above him and around him, and then water being turned on. After a moment, his face was being tilted up and Mrs. Tsukishima began wiping his face off with a cool towel.

 

“I guess this is why you haven't been over lately…” she didn't wait for an answer as she reached behind Yamaguchi and flushed the toilet, “And considering the lack of tearful phone calls, I'm going to assume your mom doesn't know either.” 

 

Yamaguchi could see unshed tears in her eyes, and he couldn't hold back anymore. He choked on a sob as he shook his head, and Karin’s arms were immediately around him, pulling him close to her. Yamaguchi's arms wrapped around her and held fast.

 

“You'll be alright, Tadashi. You're a fighter.” Her voice was quiet but fierce. It made Yamaguchi's chest burn and his tears come heavier. 

 

Yamaguchi lost track of time as they sat in the floor, but by the time his tears had stopped coming and he could breathe again, his back and hips were stiff. As the last of his sniffles petered out, Karin stood and filled a small paper cup with water before crouching back down and passing it to the curled up teen. As he gratefully accepted the cup, he only had one thought.

 

“Please,” he rasped, “don't tell Kei. He doesn't need to know yet.”

 

Yamaguchi sipped at the cup as he watched Mrs. Tsukishima. She watched him in return.

 

“I won't tell Kei…” Yamaguchi's shoulders sagged in relief, “however I will be calling your mom in the morning.” Yamaguchi withered under her mom-stare.

 

“I know your parents work very hard, but they love you so very much. Do you know how heartbroken your mother would be if she knew you were hiding this from her..? I know you're probably trying not to worry them, but Sweetheart, if you were to suddenly… pass on… and your mom had to find out that you were hiding this very serious disease from her, she would be devastated.” Yamaguchi nodded sadly. He hadn't given it much thought other than to try and not bother his parents too much with his condition.

 

He knew they loved him, but with as busy as they both were, it wouldn't be good to have a sick kid as well. 

 

Karin sighed and stood up before offering a hand to help Tadashi up. He stood with a slight wobble and grasped the edge of the sink. 

 

“Go on back to bed, Hon. It's not even three am.” She ushered Yamaguchi out the doorway and to the stairs.

 

“Auntie..?” Yamaguchi stopped midway up the stairs and turned to the blonde woman behind him.

 

“Hm?”

 

“Thank you. For everything. Not just tonight, but all these years…” She moved forward and pulled him into another tight hug.

 

“You're always welcome; but don't talk like that. You still have many, many more years to thank me for.” The freckled teen smiled into her shoulder and hummed.

 

Later, as he was about to doze back off in his futon, all he could think of was the future. For once, Yamaguchi could imagine a future where Tsukishima- where Kei, would say that he loved him too. 

 

For the first time since he woke up in May choking on flower petals, Yamaguchi didn't feel completely hopeless.

 

\---

 

Yamaguchi woke the next morning, throat and chest still burning, but not feeling the need to flee for the bathroom. Mrs. Tsukishima had made a small breakfast of scrambled eggs and oatmeal with fruit,  _ bless her _ , that was easy on Yamaguchi's stomach. As he was putting his dishes in the sink, she leaned against the sink next to him.

 

“I called your mom.” Yamaguchi tensed, “You should go home and see her before you leave for school. I'll tell Kei that something came up and to go on ahead. Make sure you tell her everything you need to.” The freckled teen nodded and took a deep breath.

 

“Thank you, Auntie.” The woman simply smiled and ruffled his hair.

 

\---

 

Yamaguchi stood starting at the front door of his childhood home for what must have been ten minutes. The silence was eating away at him, but he just couldn't bring himself to open the door.

 

Somewhere, on the other side of this door, his mother was thinking about her son, who has a life threatening ailment and could possibly die at any moment. She was probably thinking about treatment options, and financial costs and beating herself up for not noticing that her only child was sick. 

 

Was she blaming herself?

 

The thought made Yamaguchi nauseous and he had to take a few deep breaths. Finally, he managed to turn the handle and step into the foyer. 

 

The first thing he saw was his mother sitting on the bottom step, eyes red rimmed and still watery. She smiled softly when she saw him and cleared her throat.

 

“Welcome home. I thought you were going to stand outside that door all day.” She huffed a small laugh before standing up and moving to the kitchen. 

 

“Did Karin make you breakfast..? I wasn't sure what you would be able to eat, or if you were even hungry, so I made pancakes.” Yamaguchi slid into his place at the table as his mom placed a small stack of still warm pancakes in front of him and sat in the chair to his left.

 

Yamaguchi twisted the fork in his hand back and forth as he started at the drops of syrup slowly sliding down the stack. He want sure what to say, or how to say it. Everything he thought of just didn't seem to fit.

 

Akiko reached out and held tight to Yamaguchi's left hand.

 

“Tadashi… how long have you known..?” Her tone was soft, no accusation, only curiosity and concern.

 

Yamaguchi placed the fork down before forcing himself to look at his mother. Her short hair was frazzled, like she had been running her hands through it. Her shirt was dusted with flour, and possibly sugar, and Yamaguchi could feel her trembling slightly while her hand grasped his.

 

She was scared for him. She was just as worried as he was. Seeing the tears in her eyes and worry etched in her face made something shift in Yamaguchi, and he immediately broke.

 

“Since the beginning of May.” Her hand tightened around his and he gave a squeeze back.

 

“I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't want to say anything, because I thought maybe it would be easier if you didn't know and thought it all happened suddenly. You and Dad work so hard, and have so many responsibilities already. I didn't want you to be burdened over what to do with a sick kid as well. Especially one that doesn't have a specific time limit. I didn't want you to worry.” Yamaguchi scrubbed at his eyes with his free hand. He felt the hand holding his let go, but arms were immediately wrapped around him.

 

“Tadashi!” Akiko held her son tight to her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks.

 

“I'm your mother! It's my  _ job _ to worry about you! I have always, always thought only about how to provide for you; how to make sure you get the best of  _ everything _ in life. Tadashi, you're not a burden! Being sick doesn't make you a weight for Dad and I to carry.” She crouched a bit to look her son in the eyes.

 

“We made the choice, sixteen years ago, to have a baby because we wanted someone to love. Forever, always, unconditionally. We knew there would be tough times. We were prepared from day one for you to need us; for you to rely on us for the rest of your life.” She gave a watery smile.

 

“But you've always been so independent. Trying to walk before a year, feeding yourself well before two. You taught yourself how to ride a bike, and to tie your own shoes. You used to go to school with a fever unless we caught you and made you rest! You've always wanted to do everything on your own. And maybe it's because Dad and I weren't very reliable. I'm so sorry, Tadashi. I'm sorry you thought you couldn't trust us.” Yamaguchi sobbed and shook his head, tears trailing down his cheeks now as well.

 

“No, that's not-”

 

“It is! You never wanted to bother us, to be a burden on us. We weren't reliable enough, Tadashi, and I admit it. But please,” she pressed her forehead against his, “give us another chance. Please, rely on us. For as long as you want. For as long as you can. We love you, Tadashi. More than anything in the world. Please trust us.”

 

Yamaguchi trembled as he wrapped his arms around his mother's waist and buried his face in her stomach to muffle his sobbing. When was the last time he let his mother hold him like this? When was the last time he had cried like this? Felt  _ loved _ like this?

 

Once they had both managed to calm down and dry up some of the tears and snot, Akiko leaned back in the chair.

 

“So… I assumed you've already made up your mind..?” At Yamaguchi's nod, she chewed at her bottom lip, “And there's nothing I can say to make you reconsider having the Extraction done..?”

 

“No… I don't think so? I just…” he sighed, “I had this all thought out, and I thought I was  _ sure _ , but now… my mind is jumbled up.” He paused for a moment.

 

“I don't  _ want _ to die. There's so much more I… But then, if I have the surgery, I'll lose the ability to feel love. About 18% of people who have the surgery end up committing suicide later in life anyways, because life just doesn't feel worth it. My only other option is confessing, and hoping for the best, but… it just doesn't seem likely.” Yamaguchi was poking at the soggy, cold pancakes with his fork.

 

“Do you… would you tell me who it is?” Akiko smiled sadly. Yamaguchi frowned.

 

“It's Tsukki.” Akiko blinked once. Twice.

 

“You mean Kei? Karin’s youngest boy?” Yamaguchi nodded before taking a bite of his pancakes and humming; still tasted good.

 

Akiko's shoulders sagged and she couldn't stop a breathless laugh. Yamaguchi looked at her curiously as she began wiping away more tears, this time of relief.

 

“Why didn't you say that in the first place, Tadashi?”

 

“I didn't think it made much difference..?” Akiko laughed and ruffled his hair before standing and dabbing at her eyes some more.

 

“It makes all the difference in the world. I'm going to call the school and let them know you'll be in a little late, and then I'm going to call Karin.” Yamaguchi nodded, still confused, but feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

 

Akiko stopped in the doorway and simply watched her son as he ate his cold pancakes. She couldn't stop the small smile from spreading.

 

If the “unrequited love” was for Karin's youngest son, she had nothing to worry about. After all, everyone could see how over the moon they were for each other.

 

“Tadashi?* The freckled teen turned to his mother, syrup dripping down his chin. Akiko laughed.

 

“Don't give up, okay? Give all your options some more thought, and take your time. You'll make it through this.” Yamaguchi gave a small smile and a short nod before turning back to his pancakes.

 

Maybe he should have just told his mother from the beginning. Having someone to reassure him felt… good. It felt like he might actually make it. Yamaguchi ate the last few bites with a smile before putting his plate in the sink and jogging out the door.

 

“I'm off!” He shouted, throwing a wave over his shoulder as Akiko yelled “Be safe!”

 

Today was going to be a good day.

 

\---

 

When he arrived, the club advisor, Takeda-Sensei, was waiting by the front gate. Yamaguchi slowed his steps and waved. When Takeda-Sensei only gave a small smile in return, Yamaguchi's stomach plummeted.

 

He knew.

 

Yamaguchi stopped in front of the older man and shoved his hands into his pockets to keep from fidgeting nervously. 

 

“Good morning, Takeda-Sensei… I uh… I guess my mom called the school..?” The advisor nodded and put a hand on the teen’s shoulder.

 

“I'm sorry, Yamaguchi. The school needed a reason to approve you coming in late and still being able to test today. Everything is going to stay confidential though! Only the principal and I know about this.” Yamaguchi let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.

 

Takeda-Sensei smiled and began ushering Yamaguchi into the building.

 

“Today, since testing had already begun, you'll be in a room alone with me. I'll monitor your testing today, and since you're an hour late, you're allowed one hour after the bell to keep working, if you need it.” Yamaguchi nodded his understanding as he quickly swapped his shoes out.

 

“I'm going to the faculty office to grab your test and to let the principal know you're here. Go on ahead to the first year Science Lab, the door should be open.” Takeda-Sensei made his way to the right while Yamaguchi started to left.

 

The first year science lab was just two doors away from the front entry, so Yamaguchi was sure he'd have a few minutes to himself. He pulled out his cell phone and quickly shot off a text to Tsukishima.

 

_ Sorry I'm late! \^o^/ _

_ Mom had something she needed to talk about.  _

_ I'm testing downstairs. I might be late leaving today. ;∆; _

_ You can go home first! I'll come over for dinner! (~°∆°)~ _

 

Yamaguchi tucked the phone back into his pocket, knowing better than to expect a reply before the end of the day, and pulled out his pencils. He was a little bummed that he wouldn't get walk home with Tsukishima, especially since hadn't been able to walk to school together either, but so was life.

 

As Takeda-Sensei was walking in, Yamaguchi felt a buzz against his thigh. He cautiously pulled it out and glanced at the lock screen. 

 

_ Message Received 9:34 _

_ Tsukkiii~  _ \\(^×^)/

 

_ I'll wait. _

 

Yamaguchi grinned and shoved the phone back into his pocket without responding. He'd get to walk home with Tsukki today after all!

 

\---

 

The test only took a few hours, and Yamaguchi was prepared. He didn't spend weeks studying alone in his room while avoiding everyone for no reason. By the time the bell rang, Yamaguchi had his test finished, answers checked, and was doodling in the margins. Takeda-Sensei smiled brightly as Yamaguchi passed him the stack of papers.

 

A thought had been on his mind, though.

 

“Sensei..?” Takeda hummed and meet the teen’s eyes, “Now that you know about…  _ it _ … You're not gonna… I mean this won't change..?” Yamaguchi chewed his bottom lip for a moment before shaking his head and picking up his bag.

 

“Nevermind. It's silly.”

 

“Yamaguchi!” Takeda stood up quickly and Yamaguchi paused in front of the door.

 

“If you have concerns, it's not silly. I'm your advisor. I'm here to help with stuff  like that.” Yamaguchi turned to face the older man.

 

“As far as what I know, that doesn't leave this room. I won't tell the team, because that's not my responsibility. However, I am a teacher, and I want what's best for you. So I'll be watching you closely. If I feel that you're pushing yourself too hard in practice, or that you can't go on, I'll pull you aside and discuss it, okay?” Yamaguchi smiled, thoroughly reassured, and nodded.

 

“Thank you, Sensei. That makes me feel better.” The teacher smiled back and patted Yamaguchi's back as he opened the door.

 

“That's what I'm here for! Now, make sure you're on time in the morning for the next test. We're gonna need you at the training camp next week!” 

 

Yamaguchi gave a thumbs up before jogging to the shoe lockers. The crowd had thinned out, but Tsukishima wasn't anywhere to be seen. Yamaguchi changed shoes and stepped out the front door to look around. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tsukishima turn the corner of the school building. Yamaguchi frowned in confusion as he jogged after him.

 

_ 'Tsukki..?’ _

 

Yamaguchi stopped at the corner when he heard Tsukishima's voice.

 

“..-old you I had testing today… I can't this week… Because some of us actually care about our grades… Yeah, the training camp is next week.” Yamaguchi tilted his head in confusion. Who would Tsukki be talking to about training camp?

 

“Do  _ not  _ show up… No, there's nothing to talk about. At all. And I don't appreciate you sending lewd messages during school about  _ that _ … I'm not being a prude! You're just too-!” It was silent for a moment before, “Whatever. Look, I gotta go. I'm waiting on Yamaguchi-”  Yamaguchi startled at the mention of his name and quickly moved back to the front steps to wait. 

 

Yamaguchi's brain was running in overdrive. Tsukishima was actually talking with someone, in a  _ friendly _ manner??  _ Lewd messages?? _

 

Yamaguchi couldn't believe his ears. Who could possibly-

 

“Yamaguchi. You're done already?” Yamaguchi startled and turned to look at Tsukishima with wide eyes. The taller boy frowned.

 

“What's with that?”

 

“Nothing!” Yamaguchi squeaked, “I was just thinking! Deep in thought! About! School!” Tsukishima narrowed his eyes but turned to leave school anyways. Yamaguchi, taking it as a sign to leave as well, ran up to walk beside Tsukishima.

 

They walked for a bit in silence before Tsukishima's phone pinged. He ignored it with a small frown. Yamaguchi rolled his lips.

 

“Should you, uh… check that?”

 

“Nope.”

 

They didn't make it much farther before the phone pinged again. And then twice more in quick succession. Tsukishima frowned heavily before yanking the phone from his pocket and scrolling the messages. Yamaguchi pretended not to notice the pink rising to Tsukishima's cheeks, but really it was all he could see.

 

“Someone important..?” He hedged. Tsukishima fired off a quick message before shoving the phone and both hands into his pockets.

 

“Nah. Just Kuroo-san being obnoxious.”

 

Yamaguchi felt his heart stop. Kuroo-san.  _ Of course. _ That made so much sense. After all the help last year, they had become friends. They had built some form of comradery. And now, it was naturally progressing into more.

 

When he really thought about it, they made sense as a couple. They were both attractive, and had similar tastes. Yamaguchi could imagine them together easily.

 

And it made him sick.

 

They had just made it to the corner that separated their paths. Yamaguchi paused, and Tsukishima stopped after another few steps when he realized Yamaguchi wasn't following.

 

“Yamaguchi?”

 

The teen forced a smile and held up his bag.

 

“I'm gonna run home and change first. Then I'll be over, yeah?” Tsukishima narrowed his eyes but nodded and continued walking home. Yamaguchi watched him go for a few steps before turning and walking slowly to his own house.

 

Before he even made it in the front door, Yamaguchi's eyes were burning with unshed tears; his stomach was rolling heavily and he could already feel the burning in his chest. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, unsure if it was the tears or the bile rising. 

 

He let himself into the house and quickly dashed to the downstairs bathroom. 

 

The flower petals that had been absent all day made known their vendetta against Yamaguchi as the teen clawed at his chest. It  _ burned _ . The knowledge that Kuroo had swooped in and stolen Tsukishima from right under his nose was even worse than the pain of the vines and roots tightening in his chest, around his heart. 

 

The fact that Tsukishima hasn't said  _ anything _ to him about it burned just as badly. Yamaguchi was crying as he wiped at his face with shaking hands. 

 

It was all over now. He had such hope this morning, but now it all seemed so far out of reach. As Yamaguchi flushed the toilet and dabbed his mouth with a sheet of toilet paper, he let the tears flow. He let himself mourn for what couldn't be; for the end of his life. 

 

Yamaguchi wasn’t sure how much time had passed when he finally stood and cleaned his face in the sink. He didn't bother looking at his reflection; he didn't need to see the red rimmed eyes and pink nose staring back at him.

 

On autopilot, he called the Tsukishima household and left a message with Auntie for Tsukishima. He didn't feel up to going over; tonight or any night this week, really.

 

“Are you sure you don't want me to get Kei?”

 

He was sure. 

 

Karin had sighed but agreed to give her youngest the message.

 

“Tadashi?” The woman paused, “Be careful, okay? Take care of yourself. Don't hesitate to call me.”

 

When he hung up, Yamaguchi dragged his bag up stairs and collapsed in his bed. He was exhausted and hurting. The up and down of this emotional rollercoaster was really taking its toll.

 

As he lay with his knees pulled to his chest, Yamaguchi makes a promise to himself.

 

_ ‘I'll do it gracefully. If Tsukki is really happy with someone else, I'm going to accept it. I won't burden him with this. It's not his fault I fell in love with him; it's mine. I couldn't control myself, so this is my punishment. But, if it means Tsukki can live a happy life with someone, I don't mind dying with this secret.’  _

 

The anguished teen didn't bother changing or even getting under the blankets that evening. He fell asleep, fully clothed, with salt caking his eyelashes and a damp pillow case under his cheek.

 

\---

 

The rest of the week went by in a blur of tests, brightly colored petals, and mostly convincing lies. He told his mom he wasn't that hungry; really, he couldn't stomach much when he thought about how frequent the attacks were. He told Tsukishima his mom wanted to spend more time with him, so he couldn't come over after school. It wasn't a lie; his mother had called in vacation days and taken the week off to be with him. Tsukishima was suspicious, and understandably hurt, but Yamaguchi needed this. He needed to distance himself  _ now _ . 

 

Finally, testing was over and summer break was upon them. The Karasuno team gathered around a rented bus early Sunday morning, half the members exhausted and half wired. Yamaguchi was among the exhausted crowd. 

 

The dark circles under his eyes became more prominent every day, as did the weight loss. Yamaguchi's once form fitting slacks were now nearly two sizes too big. He wore a baggy hoodie, thankful for the morning chill, and loose basketball shorts to distract from his slighter figure as he clutched a warm thermos of green tea.

 

Akiko had passed it to him on his way out the door, suggesting maybe it would settle his stomach and soothe his throat. While it did soothe his throat, it didn't do much to quell the near-constant churning of nerves in his stomach.

 

An arm brushes against him and he turns to find Tsukishima, looking almost half asleep. Yamaguchi can't help but smile.

 

“Good morning, Tsukki. Tea?” He offers the thermos. Tsukishima accepts it and takes a few swallows before passing it back. Yamaguchi  _ does not _ think of this as an indirect kiss as he takes a small sip.

 

“It's too bitter.” The taller boy grumbles. Yamaguchi hums.

 

“If I had known we'd be sharing I would have brought milk tea.” Tsukishima grunts as they begin loading the bus.

 

“Next time.” Yamaguchi's cheeks pink, and even as he chastises himself, he can't stop the flutter of his heart. The fact that Tsukishima had said 'next time’ with such certainty that there would  _ be _ a next time Yamaguchi shared a beverage with him made him happy. The two sit together in the fifth row, Tsukishima against the window and Yamaguchi next to the aisle to “ward off the idiots.” Thankfully, it's early enough that no one is talking much, and twenty minutes into the drive, nearly everyone is asleep; Yamaguchi and Tsukishima included.

 

-

 

When they wake, some two hours later, the sun is shining in the windows. Yamaguchi wakes first and removes his head from Tsukishima's shoulder with a wince. He had laid in one position too long, and now his neck was stiff. He pulls out his cell phone to pass the time, and makes idle conversation with Nishinoya and Ryuu across the aisle; anything to keep him from staring at Tsukishima's sleeping face like the lovesick teenager he is.

 

Coach Ukai loudly announces that they'll be arriving in ten minutes, and anyone that was still asleep becomes awake very quickly. Tsukishima frowns as he stretches in his seat before pulling his headphones up and reaching into his pocket. Yamaguchi smiles and leans just a bit closer to hear the faint music from the taller boys headphones. 

 

In three songs time, they're pulling into a school parking lot, crowded with other volleyball players, coaches, and team managers. Yamaguchi patiently waits in his seat until the more excited members (Tanaka, Nishinoya, Hinata, Kageyama and a few first years) have made it off the bus before standing and moving down the aisle.

 

Tsukishima is right beside him as they navigate the crowd, greeting familiar faces (Yamaguchi) and trying to figure out which way to go. Yamaguchi is greeting a group of first years from Nekoma when he hears it.

 

“Oooooiiii! Tsukki!!” Yamaguchi snaps to attention, eyes rapidly scanning the crowd, because, didn't he just graduate??

 

It's not too hard to see Kuroo's shaggy head of hair, paired with the frantically waving arm. The crowd seems to be drifting apart to give him a path straight to Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, and suddenly Yamaguchi wants nothing more than to be curled up in bed, away from this train wreck. 

 

A glance at Tsukishima shows he's just as surprised as, if not more than, Yamaguchi, and that eases some of Yamaguchi's trepidation. If Tsukki didn't know Kuroo was going to be here, he obviously didn't call and plan to have a lover’s reunion. Yamaguchi could pinch himself for thinking of a stupid idea like that; Tsukishima wasn't that type.

 

But as Kuroo pulls Tsukishima into a one-sided hug, Yamaguchi realizes that maybe there were still things he didn't know about his best friend. Tsukishima pulls away as soon as Kuroo lets go and straightens his glasses with a frown.

 

“I thought I told you not to come?”

 

“So did I.” A quieter voice drawls from behind Kuroo. The taller man steps aside to reveal a blank faced Kenma. Kuroo grins.

 

“I couldn't not stop by! I was in the neighborhood, and I was super worried about my favorite underclassmen~” He throws an arm over Tsukishima's shoulders and ruffles Kenma's hair. The taller blond glares but allows it. Yamaguchi can't focus on anything other than that. That point of contact.  _ Casual _ contact. 

 

“You never told me you guys were so close, Tsukki.” He hears himself say, and instantly regrets it. Tsukishima frees himself from Kuroo's hold and steps away a few paces.

 

“We are definitely  _ not _ close.” Kuroo pouts.

 

“Eh?? But we talk all the time! I send you memes, and we talk about volleyball-” Tsukishima holds one hand up.

 

“No, you send me messages and I ignore them.” Kuroo digs in his pocket for his phone.

 

“Nuh uh! We had a whole conversation about the Tanuki Girl in that drama you like last week!” Tsukishima's eyes widen and his face goes hot. 

 

“We did  _ not _ . Put that away. Now!” Tsukishima makes a grab for the phone but Kuroo is faster and holds it out of reach with a grin.

 

“Oh? Are you sure you don't wanna revisit the conversation?” Tsukishima narrows his eyes.

 

“You wouldn't dare.” Kuroo's grin gets a wild edge to it, and Yamaguchi feels queasy.

 

“Try me.”

 

The freckled teen can't stand it anymore. He knew he promised to be graceful, but he honestly thought he had more time to steel himself. Watching Kuroo and Tsukishima tease and joke with one another like a newly minted couple was making his chest clench. Yamaguchi backs up a couple of steps, hoping to make it to the bathroom unseen, but he locks eyes with the silent Nekoma Captain. Kenma says nothing, but Yamaguchi can feel the other teen analyzing him. He forces a smile and makes a vague motion towards the building behind him.

 

“Bathroom. It's ah- been a long bus ride.” There setter raises a brow but nods. Yamaguchi lets out a breath as Kenma turns his attention back to his team. The freckled teen walks carefully but quickly though the crowd and pauses to breathe deeply behind a bus.

 

The feeling in his chest is intensifying and he knows he doesn't have much time. He quickly sprints towards the school building, away from the gym and sports areas, praying to anyone listening to just  _ please _ , let him make it to the bathroom first. 

 

-

 

Yamaguchi barely made it into the stall before he was gagging on the petals trying to force their way out. 

 

The petals fell everywhere as he dropped to his knees and vomited in the porcelain bowl. Considering he hadn't even managed to eat more than a small bowl of  miso soup and his green tea that morning, it was mostly just bile and spit. Still he gagged, choking out more of the brightly colored petals that mocked him. 

 

Bright yellow petals in multiple shapes and sizes, spattered with a handful of red and white littered the floor and toilet seat. Off-handedly, he recognized the Peruvian Lily and Red Tulip petals from the flower language book, but he couldn't identify any of the yellow petals.

 

After what felt like an eternity, but couldn't have been more than five minutes, Yamaguchi leaned against the cool tile wall and tried to steady his breathing. 

 

It was happening more often now. Even though it had only been three months, they were coming multiple times a day now. The flowers were growing too fast; he was running out of time.

 

Yamaguchi bit down on his trembling bottom lip as he remembered Tsukishima and Kuroo. 

 

It was better this way.

 

It was better for him to choke on his own feelings, alone, and eventually let the flowers overcome him than to try and come between them.

 

Tsukki had said there was nothing going on, but you'd have to be blind not to see it. Yamaguchi had known Tsukishima since they were eight. He could tell when Tsukishima was hiding something, and having secret conversations with Nekoma’s former captain that you can't tell your 'best friend’ about absolutely  _ screamed _ “I'm hiding something.”

 

Yamaguchi only had a moment's notice before he was gagging and leaning back over the toilet bowl to allow another mouthful of yellow petals to hit the surface of the water. 

 

Tears leaked from the edges of Yamaguchi's eyes as he used his shirt to wipe the spit around his mouth off. With one last shuddering breath, he began scooping all the petals off the floor and into the toilet bowl. No evidence, right?

 

Five minutes later, after viciously scrubbing his face at the sink and swishing around a mouthful of water, Yamaguchi left the bathroom.

 

And walked straight into Nishinoya.

 

“N-nishinoya-Senpai..?”

 

The Libero stood from his squatting position, a deep frown on his face. Yamaguchi smiled nervously.

 

“Ah, sorry! I've been keeping practice held up, haven't I?? My stomach has just been so upset today! It must be my nerves!” He forced a laugh while rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

 

Nishinoya still said nothing, simply staring at Yamaguchi as though it was the first time he had seen him. The second year swallowed nervously, a knot sitting in his stomach. If Nishinoya found out, what would he do..?

 

“How long?” The third year asked, softly. Yamaguchi opened his mouth, a thousand different lies and aversions coming to the forefront of his mind, but one look at his Senpai’s stern face evaporated them all.

 

He closed his mouth and swallowed around the lump forming, willing the wetness he could feel behind his eyelids to go away.

 

“...About three months now…” he whispered.

 

Nishinoya inhaled sharply.

 

“Three.. are you kidding me, Yamaguchi?? You could  _ die _ . Hanahaki isn't something to mess around with-!”

 

“You think I don't  _ know _ that?!” Yamaguchi hissed, “Do you think I don't wake up every day, wondering if I'm even going to be able to  _ breathe _ by  _ dinner _ ? I know it's not “something to mess with”. I didn't want-!”

 

The tears are falling now; he can't stop them, nor can he seem to be able to breathe properly.

 

“I didn't want to die like this… I wanted… I wanted so much  _ more _ .” And then Nishinoya is there, guiding Yamaguchi's head to his shoulder and holding him there as the freckled teen sobs. 

 

If more than one shoulder became wet with tears, no one was around to know it.

 

\---

 

Yamaguchi couldn't breathe. His chest was on fire, his lungs tight. Nishinoya kept shooting him concerned looks every few minutes, but Yamaguchi ignored him.

 

As soon as they had made it to the gym, practice was in full swing. As soon as one match was over, another was beginning.

 

To anyone else, it probably looked like he had been playing hard. His face was red, he was breathing heavy, and sweat was soaking his body, but Yamaguchi could feel the difference.

 

His legs feel like lead, and the sweat was stinging his eyes. His vision was blurring every so often, but a rapid blink would clear it out. He could  _ feel _ the flames of a fever on his face, and worse still, he could feel the churning of his empty stomach.

 

They had been practicing for hours now with only small water breaks in between, but Yamaguchi knew lunch had to be soon. It  _ had _ to be. The Crows had just finished running a lap after losing to the Fukurodani team, and Yamaguchi wasn't sure how much more he could take.

 

When the coach’s whistle blew, Yamaguchi could have cried with relief, only for it to be immediately taken from him.

 

“Alright! Last matchup for the morning! Karasuno versus Nekoma on B Court! For everyone else, after your current match is over and you've taken your lap, head for the cafeteria!” The room echoed with various shouts and Yamaguchi managed a small wheeze before picking himself up from the grass and staggering to the benches.

 

Hopefully he’d be able to rest until he was swapped in.

 

“Okay, let's have Yamaguchi start us up this match.”

 

Or not.

 

Coach Ukai and Ennoshida continued talking about strategies and placement, but Yamaguchi was simply trying to breathe properly. His chest was searing. Movement to his right caught his attention.

 

Kuroo was talking to Kenma as the younger male wiped the sweat from his face. The ex-captain’s face was drawn into a tight frown as he spoke quietly, and suddenly two sets of eyes were on him. Yamaguchi quickly turned his gaze back to his own half of the court and drew his shoulders up.

 

He didn't like it when other people looked at him like that. Especially that setter. He could see through everyone, and Yamaguchi felt so exposed. 

 

The whistle blew again, and Yamaguchi, thankful for the distraction, rushed to his feet.

 

Well, to his knees.

 

“Yamaguchi?!” Hinata was kneeling beside him. Yamaguchi inhaled slowly through his nose and forced a shaky smile.

 

“Ah! Sorry about that! I guess I stood up too quickly!” Coach Ukai crouched down as well, brows knit in concern.

 

“Are you alright, Yamaguchi? Do you need to sit down?”

 

The freckled teen glanced around the court, eyes flickering over faces, until he found Tsukishima's face… Next to Kenma’s. Kuroo sat on the bench a few feet away as they talked on the sidelines. 

 

Whatever they were talking about didn't look good, if the frown lines on Tsukishima's face meant anything. Then both were staring at Yamaguchi, Tsukishima with a squinting-glare, and Kenma with mild concern. Yamaguchi swallowed around a lump in his throat.

 

Did they know?

 

He turned his head a little further to see Takeda-Sensei also watching with concern. He had one hand covering his mouth, the other was tightly gripping the hem of his shirt. Takeda-Sensei always wore his feelings in his sleeve.

 

He had promised not to intervene unless he thought Yamaguchi was at his last wits. Would Sensei pull him from the game now..?

 

Yamaguchi's stomach began to churn in earnest and he could feel the telling flutters in his throat. His right hand came up quickly to cover his mouth as tried to control his breathing, but it was no use. The panic was setting in, and the flowers were coming.

 

Over Coach Ukai’s shoulder, he could see Nishinoya-Senpai moving quickly across the court to him, and unfortunately drawing more attention.

 

“Yamaguchi..?” Coach Ukai snapped his fingers in front of the boy’s face a few times to get his attention. “I think you should probably sit this one out. Maybe we should call it a day for now.”

 

Yamaguchi shook his head, hand still firmly in place. Nishinoya was by his side now and using his strength to heft Yamaguchi to his feet, ignoring the questioning voices of everyone and half dragging Yamaguchi to the open gym door.

 

“What are you doing, Noya?!” Possibly Ryuu shouted. Yamaguchi couldn't tell one voice over the other at this point; he was just trying to hold it together until they made it to the door.

 

“I'm saving his dignity!” Nishinoya yelled back. It was too much. It was happening now.

 

Yamaguchi squirmed out of Nishinoya's grip and stumbled the last few feet out the door before collapsing and heaving from his toes. Flower petals littered the ground in a cacophony of colors. Red, white, yellow, pink. They just kept coming, scraping and burning their way through his chest and throat, and was that a  _ leaf?? _

 

Vaguely, he heard people talking behind him, and felt hands on his back, but nothing really registered over the pain. He opened his eyes, he didn't remember closing them, and sucked in a breath as he saw the blood splatters tainting the petals. He didn't have much time to be concerned though, because immediately he was choking again. Wads of petals forced their way out, demanding to see the light of day, and Yamaguchi was helpless but to let them claw their way out as tears and snot dirtied his face.

 

“Yamaguchi?!”

 

“What's happening to him??”

 

“Oh God…”

 

“Stop staring at him! Leave him some semblance of privacy!!”

 

“I knew he was sick, but  _ this _ ?”

 

“Are those… are those flower petals? Does he..?”

 

“Hanahaki Disease…”

 

As the group of who knows how many behind him gaped and gawked, Yamaguchi finally got most of the petals free from his throat and began sucking in air like a man drowning. His head was spinning, sweat still dripping; his vision was fading, and the voices were beginning to blur. Yamaguchi could taste the copper tang of blood as he trembled and gasped but he wasn't sure if it was from his lungs or throat.

 

Yamaguchi couldn't hold his weight on trembling arms any more and dropped. Someone immediately wrapped their arms around him to hold him steady. Yamaguchi was already losing consciousness, and he really had no idea who it was but considering he had his eyes closed and face down, but he'd like to imagine that it was Tsukishima's arms pulling him tight to his chest as he shouted “Somebody call an ambulance!”

 

Whoever it was, their voice trembled as their large hands held Yamaguchi tight enough to bruise.

 

\---

 

When Yamaguchi finally became conscious again, he was in a hospital bed. An IV was stuck in his left forearm, and an oxygen mask was strapped to his face. A blood pressure cuff and heart monitor were decorating his right arm and index finger.

 

His eyes felt gritty and heavy; his whole body felt heavy, really. The harsh sunlight was giving Yamaguchi a headache on top of his raw throat and sore chest, so he squeezed his eyes shut to avoid the light.

 

Yamaguchi managed to pry his eyes open once more and looked around the empty room. The curtains were drawn back, allowing the bright, summer sun to light the room. To his left, was a small

porcelain vase filled with brightly colored flowers.

 

Yamaguchi could have laughed at the irony if he wasn't sure that it would cause him even more pain. A glance to his right showed his uniform, folded neatly, and school bag placed in a single chair next to a side table with a pitcher of water and a glass.

 

Yamaguchi swallowed. He was so thirsty… 

 

Slowly, ever so slowly, he sat up in bed and slid his oxygen mask down to hang at throat level. Every muscle in his body was screaming in protest, but his dry mouth and tongue begged him to keep moving towards the water. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and hissed as his ankle hit the leg of the chair. 

 

Yamaguchi inched closer to the edge of the bed and stretched his arm out. He managed to grab the rim between his middle and index fingers, but a sudden jolt of pain in his chest made him gasp and lose his grip. The cup shattered upon impact with the tile floor, and Yamaguchi gripped the mattress tightly. Couldn't he do  _ anything _ right? 

 

The door was flung open, and Tsukishima appeared, looking panicked. Yamaguchi watched with wide eyes as Tsukishima assess the situation and frowns heavily.

 

“Put that back on “ the teen grumbles as he kneels by the bedside and begins cleaning up the broken shards.

 

Yamaguchi frowns sadly and pulls the mask back up.

 

“Sorry, Tsukki.” he mumbles 

 

Tsukishima cleans in silence while Yamaguchi eases himself back into bed. Once the glass is all collected, Tsukishima leaves for a moment before coming back with a small styrofoam cup and straw. He fills the cup up before moving Yamaguchi's oxygen mask down once more and holding the straw to the brunette's lips. Yamaguchi drinks gratefully, but Tsukishima pulls it away after a few swallows.

 

“Slowly. You'll make yourself sick again.” Yamaguchi nods as Tsukishima pulls the mask back up and sits next to him. The blond looks worn, in every sense of the word. His yellow shirt is wrinkled and covered in dirt and grass stains, and his hair looks like it had been tugged and messed up repeatedly. Tsukishima's right leg is bouncing continuously; a nervous habit. Yamaguchi wonders if  _ he _ caused all this stress, and immediately feels guilty because he  _ knows _ he did. 

 

“Tsukki,” he starts, “I'm really-” Tsukishima's narrowed eyes bore into his.

 

“If you say you're sorry  _ one more time _ , I will punch you in the nose, Yamaguchi.” the younger boy bites his tongue and focuses on his hands in his lap. Tsukishima sighs heavily and slouches further into the chair.

 

“They called your mom. She's on her way, but it'll probably be another hour. I told her I'd wait with you.” Yamaguchi nods.

 

“Thank you, Tsukki.” 

 

The silence stretches out, only broken up by the rhythmic beeping of the monitors and steady hiss of oxygen flowing. Tsukishima glares at the opposite wall.

 

“Who is it?” Yamaguchi startles and quickly turns to face Tsukishima.

 

“W-what?” Tsukishima's leg is bouncing again and he can't bring himself to look at Yamaguchi.

 

“Who is it that you were prepared to  _ die _ for, Yamaguchi?” 

 

The younger teen swallows thickly.

 

“I-I… I'm not sure this is-” Tsukishima’s fierce gaze turns to Yamaguchi.

 

“‘This isn't the best time?’ Like the last three months? They weren't a good time either?” Tsukishima frowns harder at Yamaguchi's shocked face.

 

“Nishinoya-senpai told the paramedics.” 

 

“Taukki, I…” Yamaguchi floundered and Tsukishima threw his arms up.

 

“You  _ what _ , Yamaguchi? You're sorry? Is that all you can say right now?” Yamaguchi feels tears brimming, but anger is quickly taking over. Why is Tsukishima so  _ mad? _ Yamaguchi is the one dying!

 

“Why are you being such an asshole?!” Tsukishima wasn't expecting that, and his eyes widen.

 

“Do you think it's been  _ easy _ for me to lie to everyone the past three months? To pretend everything is just fine, while I'm  _ literally _ dying inside?” Yamaguchi hisses, tears sliding down his cheeks.

 

“Then why did you?” Tsukishima sounds hurt.

 

“I thought it would be easier on everyone else like this!” Yamaguchi throws his arms out to the sides, wincing at the pain flaring through his body.

 

“I thought it would be easier if I just quietly faded out of everyone's lives instead of making you all watch as I slowly die because I'm in love with someone way out of my league!” Yamaguchi drops his hands back into his lap, exhaustion setting in.

 

“I didn't want it to end this way, but…” Yamaguchi shrugs, making no moves to wipe the tears stuck to his cheeks. “Now that I know about you and Kuroo, I have to-” 

 

“How many times do I have to tell you; there is nothing between Kuroo and I.” Tsukishima frowns as he clenches his fists.

 

“For someone as smart as you, you're really dumb.” Yamaguchi frowns at the blond in confusion.

 

“But, the messages?”

 

“Kuroo's just an annoying asshole, like I said. He found out about my crush on you and has been lording it over me since first year.” 

 

Yamaguchi can't breathe.

 

Tsukishima's  _ crush _ ?

 

On  _ him _ ??

 

“I think I misheard you…” Yamaguchi mumbles, “He found out about what?* 

 

Tsukishima rolls his eyes before sitting forward and tugging the oxygen mask down again.

 

“You've always been so stubborn.”

 

_ ‘I'm the stubborn one??’ _ he wants to ask, but Tsukishima effectively silences him.

 

Tsukishima's lips are soft and warm and everything Yamaguchi had imagined them being when he imagined impossible scenarios in the dark. Yamaguchi's eyes are wide, staring at the dark eyelashes kissing Tsukishima's cheeks. 

 

_ Kissing _ . Oh  _ God _ , he was kissing Tsukki! 

 

The kiss was brief and chaste, but Yamaguchi feels like he's floating. Maybe it's the light-headedness, but he'd like to think it's because he's on cloud nine. Tsukishima places the mask back in position and leans back in his chair, arms folded over his chest and slightly pink in the cheeks. 

 

“I’m in love with you, you idiot. And I'm pretty sure everyone except you knew that. Akiteru has been asking me why we're not dating for years.” Tsukishima frowns slightly. Yamaguchi barks a startled laugh.

 

“No he hasn't.” Tsukishima fixes him with a stare. Yamaguchi's eyes widen.

 

“ _ Really?”  _ Tsukishima turns away, cheeks still pink.

 

“Whoa.” Yamaguchi breathes. His cheeks are pink now as well, and he can't seem to wrap his head around the fact that Tsukishima was in love with  _ him _ . Yamaguchi's eyes widen and he turns to Tsukishima.

 

“Me too!” He rushes, “I mean, I'm in love with you too. For a long time. But, I…” he pauses, eyes dropping to his hands folded in his lap, “I didn't think you felt the same. You're so… you. And I'm just…” Yamaguchi shrugs. Tsukishima sighs heavily.

 

“Is that the kind of bullshit you've been thinking the past three months?” Yamaguchi shrinks further, “That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Do you think I'm shallow?” Yamaguchi jerks his head up, eyes wide.

 

“Of course not, I-”

 

“I didn't come to like you because of your looks, Tadashi.” Tsukishima speaks over him. His face is drawn into a serious expression as he leans forward.

 

“You’re kind hearted, and always give people too many chances. You get trampled on all the time, but you still smile. You try so hard to do everything on your own, to shoulder everything, even when you don't have to. You've been by my side since we were kids, and always thought the best of me, even when you really shouldn't have.  _ That's _ why I love you. Your looks are just a bonus.”

 

Yamaguchi is tearing up again, this time in happiness. He can't stop the smile on his face, warmth blooms in his chest.

 

“Tsukki, I-” Yamaguchi's face falls and his hands move to his clutch at his chest. The pleasant warmth has morphed into something hot and tight, getting more painful by the second. His mouth begins to fill with saliva, and he recognizes the familiar fluttering in his stomach and chest. He coughs once, remembers the oxygen mask is still on, and begins yanking it up and over his head as he gasps for air.

 

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima is by his side, one hand on his back. Yamaguchi shakes his head and tries to distance himself from Tsukishima.

 

“I'm gonna be sick-” his body folds in half with the force of his coughing. An assortment of petals comes pouring from his lips, piling up in his lap and falling into the floor. Tsukishima's hand leaves his back and Yamaguchi gasps in a ragged breath before coughing again. 

 

The petals are clogging his airway and tickling his gag reflex; he dry heaves and coughs, hands clenched into fists in the material of his hospital gown, and finally manages to get the petals to come loose.

 

His empty stomach is rolling, his chest is on fire, and he can feel himself trembling with every ragged breath. He can't bring himself to open his eyes for fear of seeing the bloodied petals again. He registers another voice in the room, and belatedly realizes that Tsukishima must have gone to get a doctor.

 

“-do a chest x-ray, but if the affection was returned and it's been established as mutual love, the roots are retracting and he's now expelling the dying plant. There's little we can do now, except manage pain and treat the cuts in his throat and the possible lung damage. He has to rid his body of the remaining plant; it could take hours, it could take days.” Yamaguchi drops back against the pillows with a groan. Tsukishima is by his side instantly, running a cool rag over his sweaty forehead.

 

“Yamaguchi?” The brunette opens one eye.

 

“Water.” Yamaguchi rasps. Tsukishima backs up to get the cup as the doctor comes around the other side to examine him.

 

“Yamaguchi-san? How are you feeling?” Yamaguchi takes a few sips of water while the doctor checks the monitors.

 

“Rough.” He answers. The doctor nods with a sympathetic smile.

 

“I would bet. If you had waited much longer, you would be another Hanahaki Statistic. Looking at how progressed the symptoms are, and the damage done to your esophagus and respiratory system, you wouldn't have made it through the week.” Yamaguchi's eyes are wide as Tsukishima tucks the mask back onto his face. He can't believe he was that close to dying. He knew he would eventually, and thought he was prepared, but hearing it out loud from someone else really made it sink in.

 

He almost  _ died _ .

 

“I want to take some x-rays to get an idea of the damage done now that the plant is breaking loose. We couldn't see much when you came in, because your lungs were completely full of petals and they were blocking us from getting a good imagery.” Yamaguchi nods slowly. The doctor begins untucking the blanket, trying to keep the petals in the center, and motions to a nurse in the corner of the room he hadn't noticed before.

 

“For now, I'm going to give you some pain medication and some warm honey water to help with the inflammation and pain in your throat. After we assess the damage, I can prescribe an inhalant to hopefully help heal the lungs as well.” Tsukishima helps the nurse tuck in a clean blanket as the doctor steps back to make a couple notes in Yamaguchi's chart. 

 

The doctor and nurse leave with promises to return in a few minutes to escort him to the lab. Tsukishima settles in to the chair beside him, still holding the water cup. Yamaguchi manages a tired smile from his place on the pillow.

 

“Thank you for being here, Tsukki. And for loving me.” Tsukishima shrugs, his cheeks turning red again.

 

“Somebody had to. You don't even know how to love yourself.” Yamaguchi laughs softly.

 

“True.” A moment passes.

 

“So. Does this mean we're… together now?” Yamaguchi asks softly. Tsukishima rolls his eyes as he guides the straw back to Yamaguchi's mouth.

 

“No. We just confessed for the fun of it. Now that I know you like me, I'm going to stop my five year infatuation with you and date someone else.” Yamaguchi grins around the straw and Tsukishima lets the edge of his lip curl in that pass for a smile.

 

“Don't be stupid, Yamaguchi.” Yamaguchi snuggles against the pillows after Tsukishima takes the cup back with a smile. He reaches towards Tsukishima, and the blond meets his hand half way.

 

“Sorry, Tsukki.”


End file.
